Brand loyalty: a back-and-forth

Our story begins many years ago, in the early 1990s, when Peter first left home for college. Starting anew, Peter used the finest communication tools available to him (the dorm telephone and a Centris 610 with dot-matrix printer) to communicate with his girlfriend of two years. Back and forth, from the Bay Area to his hometown of Reno, Nevada, Peter called his girl (then a senior in high-school herself) as frequently as he could. As is to be expected, a relationship between a college freshman and a high-school senior in two different states was tough to maintain. But efforts were made. Letters were written; calls were made. We're talking physical letters; with stamps and whatnot ... remember, kids, this was before e-mail.

At Thanksgiving, Peter returned to Reno. A lengthy talk ensued. In that halcyon first semester, many available bachelorettes had inquired as to his availability. "I have a girlfriend back in my hometown" was not as convincing a rebuff as he had expected it might have been. However, promises of fidelity had been made and were kept. Available bachelors had inquired as to her availability as well. In particular, one waiter from Marie Callender's in Reno was mentioned. At the time, Peter thought it was an illustrative example of the many suitors she had met.

Peter left again for six weeks of grueling final exams; his light at the end of the tunnel was prospect of spending Christmas vacation with the girl he'd cared for for so long.



When I said, "Let's work it out and stay together" I meant I would stop oggling girls at keg parties and try to stay out of trouble. When she said, "Let's work it out and stay together" she meant she was going to hook up with the guy from Marie Callender's that she met.

Let's just say that Christmas break was long, lonely and very very unpleasant. For me, at least. Unlike my former better half, I had no temple of tasty pies and full-service dinner menus to pray in.



Thus began a decade-long boycott of all Marie Callender's products and services.

Last year, under great protest, I went to a Marie Callender's here in Seattle. Had a pie. It was good! It turns out Marie Callender's makes all kinds of good stuff.

Now I like to buy frozen Marie Callender pies and cook them up. Like right now I've got a "Very Berry Blackberry Pie" cooking up in the oven. Dutch Apple is my favorite.

On the bright side, I will never have to enter the Marie Callender's that employed that asshole who stole my girl. It went out of business. For several years, Reno had no Marie Callender's at all. Now it has one again, but it's in a mall next to the Red Robin or TGI Friday's or Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag or some other corporate chain.



Dude! You were 28! She was 17! You were 28 and working at Marie Callender's! And dating minors!



1) Dump your high-school girlfriend/boyfriend BEFORE you go away to school. It won't work out; there's no reason to ruin your first semester in college with that kind of crap.

2) Don't boycott a chain's frozen food products just because some jerk who had a job at one of their restaurants ruined your Christmas break. They can be very tasty.

3) Don't date minors. When you're 28 and working at Marie Callender's, you could just as well date girls over 18. Don't risk it. You might have to go "teach English in Japan" for a few years if you're not careful.