Scarjo? Eat your heart out

I attended my grandmother's memorial service in El Paso, Texas last weekend.



There were two touching services. The first was a wake (of sorts) with touching stories, great photos, lots of family members, old friends, new family members, etc. The second was a military burial for my grandmother's ashes at Fort Bliss National Cemetery.



I learned a lot about my extended family this weekend. I met a lot of relatives that I hadn't seen since I was an infant and some that I had never met. I also found out a lot about my grandmother. I guess I only knew my grandmother as an older woman. She was nearly 60 when I was born, and in her late sixties before I really started forming memories of her.



I don't know how to put this delicately, so I'll just say it. My grandmother was a fox!



Other things I learned:



She was a super-mom. This I knew, of course; how else could my mom and aunts have turned out so well?



She was a talented artist. This I did not know. A poet and a painter? I did not know.



She was a seamstress. She sewed most of my mother and her sisters' clothes. This, I think I had heard (as a kid) but I think I had filed it away with the 'uphill both ways to school in the dark with no shoes in the snow' sort of stories that parents are always going on and on about. However, recently revealed photographic evidence suggests that she was, in fact, a talented and prolific seamstress.



She and her husband were very photogenic. Mostly, he enjoyed photographing her. Let's be honest. Who wouldn't want to take a picture of this woman? Scarlett Johansson? Eat your heart out.



In the photo below: my grandmother at 50, Scarlett at whatever, and a creepy (in case you don't see the similarity) wash I made of both of them.

Aside from inspiring Scarlett Johansson's look 50 years ahead of her time, my grandmother did many amazing things. For example: she potty trained me. She also could do the New York Times Sunday crossword puzzle in approximately the same amount of time it takes to fill in all the boxes. (After 60 years of doing crossword puzzles, I guess there's not that many new clues. And not many three letter words that can be described by an abstruse pun.)



I love you, Mar.

Somewhere in Texas is a gravestone with your name on it

This last weekend, we flew down to El Paso to go to my grandmother's memorial service.

It was a beautiful ceremony, and I am always happy to catch up with my extended family (even if under less-than-ideal circumstances.)

One afternoon, we took a drive to El Paso's "old" cemetery.

There lies the family plot of my great-grandfather on my mother's side.

Brand loyalty: a back-and-forth

Our story begins many years ago, in the early 1990s, when Peter first left home for college. Starting anew, Peter used the finest communication tools available to him (the dorm telephone and a Centris 610 with dot-matrix printer) to communicate with his girlfriend of two years. Back and forth, from the Bay Area to his hometown of Reno, Nevada, Peter called his girl (then a senior in high-school herself) as frequently as he could. As is to be expected, a relationship between a college freshman and a high-school senior in two different states was tough to maintain. But efforts were made. Letters were written; calls were made. We're talking physical letters; with stamps and whatnot ... remember, kids, this was before e-mail.

At Thanksgiving, Peter returned to Reno. A lengthy talk ensued. In that halcyon first semester, many available bachelorettes had inquired as to his availability. "I have a girlfriend back in my hometown" was not as convincing a rebuff as he had expected it might have been. However, promises of fidelity had been made and were kept. Available bachelors had inquired as to her availability as well. In particular, one waiter from Marie Callender's in Reno was mentioned. At the time, Peter thought it was an illustrative example of the many suitors she had met.

Peter left again for six weeks of grueling final exams; his light at the end of the tunnel was prospect of spending Christmas vacation with the girl he'd cared for for so long.



When I said, "Let's work it out and stay together" I meant I would stop oggling girls at keg parties and try to stay out of trouble. When she said, "Let's work it out and stay together" she meant she was going to hook up with the guy from Marie Callender's that she met.

Let's just say that Christmas break was long, lonely and very very unpleasant. For me, at least. Unlike my former better half, I had no temple of tasty pies and full-service dinner menus to pray in.



Thus began a decade-long boycott of all Marie Callender's products and services.

Last year, under great protest, I went to a Marie Callender's here in Seattle. Had a pie. It was good! It turns out Marie Callender's makes all kinds of good stuff.

Now I like to buy frozen Marie Callender pies and cook them up. Like right now I've got a "Very Berry Blackberry Pie" cooking up in the oven. Dutch Apple is my favorite.

On the bright side, I will never have to enter the Marie Callender's that employed that asshole who stole my girl. It went out of business. For several years, Reno had no Marie Callender's at all. Now it has one again, but it's in a mall next to the Red Robin or TGI Friday's or Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag or some other corporate chain.



Dude! You were 28! She was 17! You were 28 and working at Marie Callender's! And dating minors!



1) Dump your high-school girlfriend/boyfriend BEFORE you go away to school. It won't work out; there's no reason to ruin your first semester in college with that kind of crap.

2) Don't boycott a chain's frozen food products just because some jerk who had a job at one of their restaurants ruined your Christmas break. They can be very tasty.

3) Don't date minors. When you're 28 and working at Marie Callender's, you could just as well date girls over 18. Don't risk it. You might have to go "teach English in Japan" for a few years if you're not careful.

Cottony chocolate or chocolaty cotton?

Chloe has recently begun participating in the Seattle Spelling Bee, a monthly event held at the Re-Bar. Chloe is an excellent speller.



I went last month as an observer and this month, under the spell of a glass of Pabst Blue Ribbon, I chose to participate as well.



Some words I mispelled that I shouldn't have. Other words I spelled correctly. Most words at this competition (especially in round two and three) are the kind of words that I live for.



Basically, I come for the vocabulary words and stay for the spelling.



Some words of note from last night:



Gallimaufry (a hodgepodge)

Shandygaff (another word for Shandy, a mixture of beer and lemonade or soda)

Rejectamenta (excretions or castoffs)

Flouncy (to move in a jerky motion)

Hodad (one who pretends to be a surfer but is not)



Overall, a fun event. Well hosted.



It's a real nerd-fest, but I'm into that.

Have you been to Cheddar Bay?

In this case, the C stands for crab.

Last night, I followed a group of friends and family on a haj to the Red Lobster in Lynwood.

Red Lobster is currently running a promotion called 'endless shrimp.' I inquired if they had any other food items with the 'endlessness' feature ... it seems that rasberry lemonade and Cheddar Bay(tm) biscuits are endless, but no seafood items besides shrimp come in an endless form.

Regardless, I ordered the 'Crapload of Crab' platter, which included 1 pound of snow crab legs and 1/2 pound of king crab legs. I'm a big fan of crab legs, but despite my best efforts, I was unable to consume even half of said legs. They now await my tender touch in a styrofoam box in my fridge.
Cheddar Bay is beautiful this time of year.